Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but let’s be honest—it’s also incredibly demanding. One of the toughest moments as a mum is dealing with a meltdown, whether it’s your child’s or your own. In this edition of Ask Robyn, The Parents Hub Founder Erin Bourke and paediatric Exercise Physiologist & Developmental Educator Robyn Papworth from Play Move Improve are here to provide expert advice and real-life strategies to help you manage these challenging moments.
Understanding Meltdowns: It’s Not Just About Tantrums
A meltdown is more than just a tantrum. While tantrums often involve attention-seeking behaviors that may be stopped with distraction, meltdowns are an emotional and physiological overload—often leaving both children and mums feeling exhausted. They can be triggered by overstimulation, hunger, tiredness, or emotional distress.
Step One: Regulate Yourself First
When a meltdown happens, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed or even frustrated. However, as the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Your nervous system directly influences your child’s, so the first step in de-escalating a meltdown is to regulate yourself.
- Breathe – Take slow, deep breaths to bring your own heart rate down.
- Ground Yourself – Try simple grounding techniques like wiggling your toes, pressing your feet into the floor, or naming five things you can see.
- Give Yourself Permission to Pause – If possible, take a moment before responding to the situation. A few seconds of calm can shift the entire energy of the moment.
Step Two: Connect Before You Correct
Your child needs to feel safe before they can listen or reason. Instead of immediately jumping into correction or discipline, focus on connection first:
- Use a Calm Voice – Even if you don’t feel calm inside, speaking softly helps regulate emotions.
- Validate Their Feelings – “I can see you’re really upset right now. I’m here for you.”
- Offer Comfort – Some children need a hug, while others may need space. Let them guide you.
Step Three: Provide Simple Solutions
Once your child starts to calm down, you can help them find a way forward:
- Offer a Sensory Reset – A drink of water, deep breathing, or a movement break can help reset their nervous system.
- Give Them a Choice – Providing two simple choices (e.g., “Would you like to sit on the couch or go outside for some fresh air?”) helps regain a sense of control.
- Model Problem-Solving – If the meltdown stemmed from frustration, guide them in finding a solution instead of fixing everything for them.
What If You’re the One Melting Down?
Mums experience meltdowns too, and that’s completely normal! If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed:
- Step Away (If Safe to Do So) – A quick break in another room can help reset your emotions.
- Use a Mantra – Repeating something like “This moment will pass” can help shift your mindset.
- Ask for Help – Call a friend, partner, or trusted support person. You don’t have to do it all alone.
The Power of Repair
No parent handles every meltdown perfectly, and that’s okay! What matters most is repairing the connection afterward. A simple, “I’m sorry I got upset earlier—I love you, and we’re okay,” teaches children that emotions are normal and relationships can be repaired.
Final Thoughts
Motherhood is tough, and meltdowns—both theirs and ours—are part of the journey. The key is to regulate yourself first, connect with your child, and find a way forward together. Remember, you are not alone in this. The Parents Hub and Ask Robyn are here to support you every step of the way.
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